Why Is It So Hard To Set Boundaries?
By: Ciera Barnes
In my life I often find myself doing things just for the comfort of others. I allow certain people to walk all over me. The idea of saying no to someone petrifies me. I find myself not wanting to hurt the other person’s feelings so I will say yes. Even if it is a huge inconvenience to me. I have had people tell me to speak up. My mom always said, “They never consider your feelings so why consider theirs”. I know what bothers me about setting boundaries. I hate any type of conflict. I prefer to avoid something until I finally have to face it.
As I've gotten older, I realized how important it is to set boundaries. I also have developed a low tolerance for people disrespecting my time and space. I find myself angry after certain interactions. I am angry with the person for crossing my boundaries. I am mostly angry at myself. Why do I find it so hard to stand up for myself? I replay the interaction over and over in my mind. Thinking about what I should have said.
In reality, the thought of saying no to someone is anxiety-inducing. Anytime I have had to resolve conflict my body goes on the defense. My palms are sweaty, shortness of breath, as I struggle to get the words out. The end result is not great. My words often remain unclear to the other person. I tend to speak in circles. So, they just continue to repeat the same pattern. This is something I am starting to work on.
There is a way to talk to someone without being rude or bashful. You can stand firm in your words. Which will let the person know that you are not playing. I have a right to create boundaries. I have the right to say no. I have the right to be comfortable in my space. I have the right to protect my inner peace. Which at the end of the day is something I think we all want.
How hard is it for you to create boundaries? What was the result when you finally created boundaries?
